Time....Where did you go?!?

Time
By Chantal Kreviazuk

Time, where did you go?
Why did you leave me here alone?
Wait, don’t go so fast.
I’m missing the moments as they pass.
Now I’ve looked in the mirror and the worlds getting clearer.
So wait for me this time.
I’m down I’m down on my knees.
I’m begging for all your sympathy.
But you (I’m just an illusion).
You don’t seem to care (I wish that I could).
You humble people everywhere (I don’t mean to hurt you).
Now I’ve looked in the mirror and the worlds getting clearer.
I’ll take what you give me.
Please know that I’m learning.
So wait for me this time.
I should’ve know better.
I shouldn’t have wasted those days.
And afternoons and mornings.
I threw them all away.
Now this is my time.
I’m going to make this moment mine (I shouldn’t have wasted those days).
I’ll take what you give me.
Please know that I’m learning.
I’ve looked in the mirror.
My world’s getting clearer.
So wait for me this time

Time, where did you go is right!!!
The above is a song and if you have never heard it, I highly suggest you do. I absolutely love Chantal Kreviazuk. I love her so much that mine and Jason's first dance was to her song "Feels like home" and my daddy/daughter song was "In This Life"...both are songs with very deep lyrics. Imagine that, me and sentimental stuff. :)

Music soothes my soul. It's the one of the most important things in life to me. It gives me the chance to reflect, feel, let loose and relax. I don't know what I would do without it.

Onto my "Time" post.... The song time has recently stuck to me. While I try to savour every moment in my life, I feel like in a lot of ways, time has gotten away from me. I look at where I am now in life and it literaly makes me drop to my knees with gratitude, happiness and sadness all at the same time. As with everyone, my life hasn't been perfect but when I look back at everything I can't help but think that it was....perfect that is.

I wish more than anything that my memory was as good as Jason's. He has a memory unlike any other. It makes me envy him because I don't have that. Thank goodness I have him to help me with that now. He will be able to take me back for years to come! I have a lot of memories of when I was growing up. Sure they aren't all the best of memories but that's beside the point. The point is in all of those things, there were great memories, the kind that I choose to carry forward with me. Like living in Mexico and spending lots of time with our family and my abuelita's cooking. Then there is the time my family took a trip to Guadalajara and San Juan De Los Lagos. I think I was maybe 5 or so when we went. I can't remember every detail of that trip but I know it was a great one. There are memories of living in Perrynton, TX and of course a million and one memories of what I consider my hometown, Granbury. That's the place I lived most of my life. So much went on in that little town and due to its size, everyone knew almost everyone. I miss living there but I don't regret moving to Arlington. I have no idea where I would be if I had stayed back there. Nor do I really care to know. I look at my life and I can't help but feel that I am exactly where the good Lord wants me to be. Duh!

There are a lot of things I wish I could go back and not necessarily change but maybe handled different. I would of spend more time getting to know my grandparents rather than worrying about what friend I was going to play with that day. My grandparents (on my mother's side) passed away when I was only 10. My granfather (on my dad's side) died when I was much younger and my grandmother passed just a couple of years ago. If I had the time to take back, Lord knows I would use some to go back and spend with them. I never really knew them. I know they loved me to pieces. I just wish I could still feel it. Growing up in different countries makes that a little hard to do but still, I should of tried harder. I've been very blessed in having met Jason. His grandparents, "Pop" and "Betty" kind of filled that void in a way. Pop loved me like I was his own until the day he died. Betty still continues to do the same. Never in my life did I imagine that they would take me in the way they had/have. I like to think that in a way my real grandparents provided me the love I missed from them, through them. Crazy, I'm sure but I refuse to think otherwise! I would also go back and do the same with other family and friends. With hectic lives and schedule it's hard sometimes to work around everyone and get togehter but still, I think...try harder. I wish there was a way for me to put everyone that I love into one place and spend every minute of every day with them. There's not and it makes me sad. I get the "busy body" thing all the time, from both family and fiends. You see, I'm always on the go. I'm always hanging out with different folks and running around trying to make sure I see happy faces. It makes me happy to do so. I suppose that's just my nature. I love seeing shiny happy people. Lol.Ok, so sometimes I spread myself too thin but I think about time and I panic knowing I am running out of it. It's hard to think about but its reality.

In life, there are joyous occasions and some very sad and tragic as well. The last couple of weeks I've spend in a bit of a slump, if you will. There are so many friends and family dealing with sadness that I've caught myself asking why more than ever. In recent days I found out about a classmate who is fighting for his life. I wasn't really close to him nor do I know him as well as my closest friends but the pain is, I think, no different. Growing up in a small community, you can't help but feel everything that goes on back there. I think so anyways. Day in and day out I think about this little family of three. The daddy who is struggling to hold on and the mommy who has to explain to her little son that his daddy has to leave. I can't even begin to imagine how she must feel. My heart just breaks for them and at times I have to fight to hold back the tears. In a way I feel like I have become obsessed in thinking of them. I awake thinking of them, go through my day thinking of them and go to bed and thinking of them. All day long I am praying for them too. I can't tell you why but it's the truth. That doesn't go to say that I have forgotten about eveyrone else. If you ask God, I'm sure He would tell you otherwise. I think sometimes I take up all of His time with all my prayer requests that I barely leave room for anyone else's. All day long you see me bowing my head or closing my eyes. It is during those times that I am praying. Lord knows I pray about everything but I have too, I feel like time will get away from me if I don't. Not only that but I think praying keeps me grounded and never the less, it gives me peace.

Oh I have to share this....Last night I got a friend request from someone who holds a special place in my heart. When I saw her name I was filled with emotion and the memories came rushing back. Just like it was yesterday. The little sister of a dear friend who had passed and a friend and I had been looking for had found me on facebook. Have I mentioned how much I love facebook? I was so excited to see how much she had changed and the life she is living. Definitely gave me a happy feeling. I can't wait to catch up with her more and get caugh up on the time that has passed. You can't go back in time but you can definitely make up for it, right?

Anyways, I can't believe how things are happening at such an incredible pace. I feel like I barely have time to wrap my mind around it all. My nieces and nephews are all growing so quickly, My little brother is graduating highschool, my youngest nephew is about to be two and all my friends kids are growing right before my very eyes. I think you see how fast time quickly goes when you see the next generation coming to life. I have never in my life felt so old! I love it though because I'm blessed enough to see it all happening, Thank you, Jesus.

While the little ones are racing to grow up, I'm going to take the time to cherish every little thing I possibly can. I'm sure that later in life, they will say the same

"What I wouldn't do to have some time back!"

As always, keep on a dreaming!
Cecilia